OK, I have Peace and my Creativity back so now what?!?!?

So now what? Well last night I am pretty sure I flipped my husband out when I told him as we had agreed upon last fall, that I truly wanted to go back to school. He was all in until I tossed out the cost of the two year Masters degree I want when I already have two plus my PhD…..that broken blood vessel in his eye that showed up late last night might, just might, be my fault BUT then again I am NOT the kind of doctor!

I have a million projects that I have either half completed or half designed within my head. I have been blessed with the love of learning, the gift of being able to accomplish goals and knowing when to stay in my own lane. Please oh please, why can’t people stay in their own lane? It really isn’t that difficult.

I was shown the effort of hard work at a young age. The importance of meeting the right people. How to speak and when, how to dress and when and thank God manners! So, I have taken some time off from using all of these skills, trying new things and redefining the shape of the “box” we are supposed to stay in. I am pretty sure my high school geometry teacher would fail me on my idea of the “box.”

So, here is what I think I am going to accomplish within the next six month and in no particular order, except for those things that have time restraints on them….. such as a national presentation. You know, those pesky little timeframe things. Wow, I just realized how much I don’t like boundaries and restrictions, no wonder I am not the best at setting or following them. Ah, but that is a new skill being worked on this year along with that self-care and making time for adventure.

1) National presentation - which still involves research, building the presentation, order new shirts and fun things to give away and lots of reading! This is a priority because of that pesky calendar.

2) Finishing the book that I started….well I have several but there is one that I am currently passionate about and that one I am setting my own timeframe on which is no later than the end of summer to see have it published. I have another one I was working with a publisher on but its a totally different type of book. You guys will get to see exactly have diverse I am or how much of a butterfly I am, which is what my husband and long term friends and family have always called me.

3) Organize the thousands of pictures I have taken. Another book? Another website? Or just share them as the urge hits me? We shall see.

4) An important friend just gave me a chat that going back to school is not beneficial for me and that research or working with a think tank is where I should be adding to my career now. My husband with love and thank her. And I must say I am intrigued to hear more of what she has to say.

5) And just for me and just for fun. Travel…. I have several locations on the table. Just kind of depends on what is going on in the world when I have the time to escape.

Well, that is all I have to say for now. Not really because we all know I talk and talk and talk….. so how about talk again soon!

Dr. M

Reclaiming my Creativity and Finding My Peace

Just as most people will tell you, this pandemic has changed them. It may have been for the better by causing them to slow down and take care of themselves (slightly guilty) or maybe for the worse (guilty until recently.) I am an extreme extrovert, love to be busy, I am outside exploring something everyday and meeting and talking with anyone who has a story to tell. That part of my life got cut WAY back with this pandemic and I fought it. Why fight it….. because of course I wanted what I wanted! Have you learned nothing about me yet over these years?

Covid and the ever changing rules not only made me take Wine and Crime Virtual, it stopped guest lectures, prevented travel and forced me to teach more “inside the box” than I like or am used to AND my students had to adjust to me NOT being me as well.

Well those days are in the rear view mirror. Whether people are getting shots, feeling more comfortable and less anxious or have found ways to cope with this new world. I am NOT going back to being the OLD me but am moving on to be a BETTER me.

If you knew the OLD me then you know that I was a very empathetic person, put others first, was quite often misunderstood for things I would so or do and was so sensitive. Except when it would come to dealing with criminals of the worst kind. That I owned.

I still care about others but I am know learning self-care comes first. I am working on being more sympathetic than empathetic and those feelings that got hurt so easily….. those days are gone. All of this seemed to have come full circle within the last week. Honestly, this past year has been part of the lesson but as educated as I am, this lesson took a little longer to learn.

Last week, I went on my first real NON-WORKING vacation in more than a decade. I told very few people about it because I have learned that sometimes or actually most of the time keeping things to yourself causes less issues and misunderstands. Look at me finally becoming a grown-up!

I went to Sedona, AZ. A place I have never been but has been on my bucket-list for years. I went on my own and then met an old and very dear college friend out there who pretty much felt the same way as I did. We hiked, ate amazing food that was local and fresh. Watched NO tv or real radio even. We just talked and explored.

Serial killer, ehhh but heights oh heck no and snakes uhhh no! But on this trip I asked myself why? Why be afraid of the unknown and hold myself back from the amazing things out in this giant world. My whole life changed on one climb where my friend and I took different paths in the same canyon. Why? Because we had different issues and things we wanted to accomplish.

This girl who loves to dress up, wear heels that are super high (I come from a very short family so trust me you would be as tall as possible too! lol!) I am sure I will hear about that one and maintains her manicure and pedicure chose to climb a mountain by going off of the trail. Honestly, I didn’t see one or maybe I wasn’t meant to see it but I was going up that damn mountain to prove something to myself and no one else.

The mountain is roughly 5900 ft in elevation and within less than 100 ft from the top and with no trail, I hit this completely smooth wall with no real way to continue and the rattle that I heard or imagined kept my common sense in check. I was able to sit on this little ledge and record a video to my boss, my students, my husband and of course my son and his family. The OLD me would have seen NOT making it to the top as a failure but the NEW me looked at where I was and was never more amazed and proud of myself in my life. In that moment, I realized that could stop chasing so many things and just enjoy life. Do those crazy things IF I WANT to but not because I NEEDED to prove something to someone or anyone. I found my PEACE.

With that I also FOUND a professor, speaker, podcaster, writer and general fun person who IS ready to get back on the horse and have more fun doing things with and for myself, my family and my students than ever before.

Message to my students: You are amazing. You make my job NOT a job but something I LOVE trying to push boundaries for both me and you. Thank you for letting me go on this journey with you and realize that you can do anything!!!!! Just ask me and I will tell you - unless we hear a rattle!

Good luck to you all. Thank you for choosing IRSC as your academic home and I can’t wait to watch you climb and conquer your own mountain.

Dr. M