17 Days Remaining

I read my latest letter from Bobby last night. What the heck did I read???

First off he doesn’t address me by my name or even the nickname he likes to use but instead he calls me a prison slang name. I was annoyed - not because he called me a name but because it was one that I had not heard of before and I actually googled it! Let’s just say that he called me a name that refers to someone who would be on the receiving end of “Bubba.” Well that is a little weird. What was his point in that?

No time to worry about my new nickname because I am busy reading and re-reading his letter. I am pretty sure….. NO, I am POSITIVE that I am being told off, yelled at and ridiculed by an inmate… no by a serial killer. A sick, twisted and unrepentant sexual sadist is calling my intellect into question.

He does this for almost TWO pages of written material. Does this hurt my feelings? NO. Does this get a rise out of me? NO. Does this shock me? Mmm, maybe a little but only because I would think that a man who is about to die in two and a half weeks would want to encourage me to talk with and entertain him NOT risk me tell him to take a hike.

Weird that I almost find this exchange humorous. Bobby truly is all about Bobby and will stay that way right till the end. Can’t wait to see what his response is to my lack of “shock” that he “scolded” me for not writing more often and getting back with him fast enough. I didn’t know that we were supposed to be following middle school “dating” protocol and that his ego was that big and/or fragile.

I almost prefer his little drawings or his comments that we jokingly refer to as “prison porn.” This letter just comes across as whining and honestly feels beneath him. What happened to the big, bad scary guy? Is this just another one of his games with time running out???

Guess I will email him now and find out why he is being such a weenie.

18 Days Remaining

You have GOT to be kidding me?!?!

I just received another email from Vincent Rivera. It is nice and polite. He wants to make sure that I got his first message. He is concerned because I have not written him back yet. Really dude? (ok probably not a professional thought or phrase but I am being real)….

It took you SIX MONTHS to get back to me and you are impatient over a two day delay???

Not sure if this is a good sign or not. Thrilled that he is motivating to talk. That is good for me, maybe I will get some honest answers from an inmate without having to dodge the prison porn innuendos. Yeah, probably not but one can always hope.

Wow, this is going to be a productive day…. there was snail mail from Bobby.

FINALLY!!!

19 Days Remaining

So the decision has been made. I have stopped asking for opinions and advice. I have decided that if Bobby Joe wants me at his execution and if the State permits…. I will attend. With that behind me, I can focus on whatever interaction I have with Bobby for the next three weeks.

Even as I type this, it feels weird. It is not normal to plan your last interactions with someone, at least not with someone who is NOT a loved one. This is just weird.

With little time remaining and wanting to get whatever information I can regarding Bobby’s life, his thoughts and feelings at the time of his criminal behaviors, which spanned a decade but most importantly to me…. any and all information he can give me about the victims.

For me it always comes back to the victims. Were they known to him? Did he pick these women for a specific reason? Did he plan his rapes, abductions and subsequent murders? So many questions… does he remember them as people or did he even see them as individuals? I want these questions because I want to see them as the women they are or were and not just as a victim of Bobby Joe Long.

They deserve to have people know their names, their faces and their stories….

20 Days Remaining

Today is commencement for our students and I always love this day. Our students are amazing individuals so I plan on devoting this day to them and will not focus on Bobby.

I will not rob myself of this time nor steal time from the students by pondering why I haven’t received mail from Bobby. Done with him for the day….

21 Days Remaining

My phone just alerted that I have new JPay email. FINALLY! I was beginning to wonder if Bobby has written me off and is no longer speaking with me. MAYBE, he prefers to spend his remaining time with those people who send him the salacious photos he continually asks for. Regardless, I have mail……

WHAT!?!?!?

The email is NOT from Bobby. The email is from Vincent Rivera. I am sooo confused, shocked and oddly excited. I wrote Vincent an email SIX MONTHS ago and received nothing back from him…. until today. This came out of left field.

If you do not know who Vincent is, he is the inmate who killed suspected serial killer, Gerard John Schaefer. Schaefer was a deputy sheriff here in Florida. He was sick and brutal. He was a sexual sadist. His case is one I have studied for over a decade and was the focus of my CrimeCon 2018 presentation in Nashville as well as season 1 of the Murder and Mysteries with Massnick podcast.

I reached out to Vincent last year because there is conflicting information as to the reason why he BRUTALLY murdered Gerard in prison. I wanted to get that answer so I reached out to him. I can not believe that when I had finally shelved this case (for the time being) he reaches out and is willing to talk.

My plate is so full that I really don’t have time for this BUT I asked for it and there is NO WAY, I am going to pass up the chance on finally getting an answer.

I need to think about how I want to approach this. I will email him later.

22 Days Remain

Today was so busy that I didn’t have much time to ponder what was or wasn’t going on with Bobby. I admit that I did mention/complain about it in passing to my the whole MCubed posse. Everyone is supportive of this process and wondering if I will get the opportunity to see Bobby before his execution. Will he still be interested in having me attend? If so, will I decide to go or not? I have no idea.

I appreciate the sounding board that my friends and peers are providing. This is definitely a strange position to be in. Some people are voicing their opinions without having been asked for them and some of those people are direct, blunt and actually rude. Others are concerned or have questions.

Let’s get real about this. Why would anyone (aside from a victim) want to see someone executed? I would like to think that no one is excited about seeing someone die. Even if the person is a monster, I hope (victims not included) that no one would celebrate or be “happy” about this.

If someone was too excited… too willing…. too happy….

What does that say about them? I will tell you what it says to me…. nothing because I choose not to judge them the same as I would hope others would not judge me or my choice in this matter.

If given the opportunity to see an execution would I go? I am still asking myself that question but I think my answer will probably be yes. Why? Because I am an educator. Because I have my own opinion (that I am not sharing at this time) of what I think and feel about the death penalty. Because I teach on a subject where very few people can actually be considered a “subject matter expert.” I do NOT want to ever become an expert in this area. I think I have too many emotions, am sympathetic and empathetic and that witnessing more than one time might cause me unnecessary trauma or stress.

What I do think can be gained from a singular experience? A better understanding of the actual event itself. Not only what the inmate goes through from the time he or she is brought into the death house but also what the witnesses (state, defense, victims and family) behaviors are at the time as well as visible emotions. I think this will allow me to speak on the subject from an educated, not a textbook, place.

Will I be affected. ABSOLUTELY….

Regardless of my opportunities and choices, I hope that I am offered respect if not understanding of the choices I make. People do not have to understand or agree with them but respecting them would be not only professional but nice.